continuing the frustrating week

Wednesday, I had a doctor appointment at the Oncologist’s office.  I asked her about filling out some forms for me to try and get some financial aid for the dental work I had to get done recently – that was very expensive.  She suggested that I talk to the social worker that works in the office to see what help she could suggest.  I haven’t asked for help since this started but after living with it for six years you can imagine the costs and bills that have added up over time.  Jesse was with me and asked me why I wouldn’t ask for help.  I decided I would talk to the lady but not at the office.  I asked if she could call me and the doctor told me of course. 

I had to go upstairs after the appointment to talk to the financial lady about a bill I got from January for over 500$.  It was for my Xgeva shot - which I’ve been getting once a month since 2012.  Xgeva is extremely expensive but they have a program where you only have to pay 25$ a month.  I have qualified for the plan since 2012 and have to re-enroll every January.  When I got my first shot January of this year, I talked to the financial lady and told her the only way I can afford the shot is to be on the plan.  She assured me I would be on it and even showed me the card that was for my plan. 

When I went to the financial office Wednesday, she asked me if I have Medicare and I said no.  She asked me again and I said no, but then she asked, "do you have part A?"  I thought a minute and said, “Oh, yes, I forgot about that because I didn’t want it or ask for it but they told me I had to have it.  I guess because I am on SS disability I’m required to have it.”  She then told me, unfortunately, if I’m on any type of government insurance I do not qualify for the program offered by the company that makes Xgeva.   What?!?!?!   That was another shocker this week.  Yikes!

The good that happened was the Social Worker called me and I might be able to get some help.  She told me she would send me a package of things I might qualify for.   One of the things I hadn’t thought about was transportation.  I remember telling my friend Tracy, “When they tell me I can’t drive any more, just shoot me.”

I have neuropathy in my right hand and foot and it’s been getting worse.  I know driving is almost out of the picture.  It’s been taken away a little at a time to the point that right now my family’s ok with me driving to Publix, or the library, or within a three-mile radius, anything beyond that has become kind of off limits.  Occasionally, I’ll go further but not often.   

Anyway, the social worker, told me she would fill out an application for me to use the bus/van system where they pick you up at your house and take you where you need to go.  They also, pick you up after your appointment is over and bring you back to your home.  It only costs between $1.50 – $4.00.   That would be nice.  It’s mainly for doctor appointments, shopping, grocery store, things like that but it would help.  She also told me about a metastatic breast cancer support group that meets once a month and the next meeting is the 10^th.  I am not sure about that.  I have avoided living like I have cancer, or being around other people with it.  I don’t know why.  After six years of living with it I should be long past the phase of denial but occasionally I still struggle with it.  I sort of feel normal sometimes and then I guess I pretend I am, but I am not.

I know I’m not.  It’s time for support.  I’m kind of dreading it though.  I really don’t know what to expect.  I’ve always thought I was strong and didn’t need help but that’s not true.  It’s really not true.  Hopefully the 10th will work out and I’ll be able to go.  I have met people online, on facebook, and on blogs that have what I do but it’s more of a controlled environment.  If I start getting upset I can just shut it down and I don’t have to deal with it.  Going to a support group and meeting people in person is a little scary to me because I can’t just turn it off.  I don’t know how I will respond emotionally and I don’t really like that.  I need to do this though.  I need to do this.  Pray I will be feeling well enough to make it.