frustrating week

I haven’t been posting lately because I have been going through some things that I didn’t really want to share.  I don’t know how to deal with some issues and I don’t particularly like discussing them.

This week has not been a great one.  I don’t like posting about negative things but

on this blog I wanted to be “real” about living with cancer, so this post is not going to be super positive.

I’ll start with something that happened that really scared me.   Chuck needed to go a few places to get some things done and I decided to go with him.  It started when we went to Perkins for breakfast.  When we sat down Chuck slid the table closer to me and it made me really dizzy.  When we were eating I started feeling nauseous and couldn’t eat everything. 

We went to Costco next to get the tires rotated and balanced.  They said it would take two hours so we walked around inside while we waited.  It was unusually warm.  Normally, I can use a cart and walk around putting my weight on it and I’m fine.  The nausea continued and made walking around difficult.  I found a recliner and sat for a bit hoping it would help. 

Finally the car was almost ready so we checked out and went and sat in the tire center.  I thought it was going to be a few minutes but we ended up waiting about another 20 minutes.  If you’ve ever been in their tire center the smell is extremely strong and it made me feel more and more nauseous.  I tried to go outside and wait but the heat was so bad I couldn’t decide what was worse. 

Finally we got the car and started home.  Unfortunately, the nausea continued getting worse and I started trying to breathe in a manner to keep me from getting sick in the car.  Chuck kept saying, “Do I need to pull over?”  I kept saying, “Just go home.  I just want to go home.”  We finally made it home but I’d begun to hyperventilate and could no longer feel much of my hands or feet. 

When we got home, Chuck told me he was going to back the car in and for me to go straight to the bathroom.  I told him I couldn’t get out of the car without his help.  That scared him because I never ask for help.  He helped me get out of the car but I was stumbling and couldn’t get my weight on the cane.  My hands didn’t have much feeling and I almost fell down several times.  I got to the bathroom and told him to leave but he wouldn’t because he said he was afraid I might fall and get hurt and he refused to leave me there. 

When the nausea finally subsided a bit he helped me get in bed.  I laid down holding the bathroom trash can in case I got sick.  I think I fell asleep right away and I slept for 3 or 4 hours.  I’m not exactly sure.  I was able to get some nausea medicine down before I got in bed and it really helped.  When I got up I was still weak but I felt much better. 

Since this cancer journey began I’ve pretty much been able to do what I need to and not need help.  When I had surgeries I needed help to recover but that was expected.  What happened yesterday was completely unexpected and frightened me. 

As Chuck helped me to the bed he said he thought this was what our future was going to look like.  I really hope not.  I've been taking it easy today but still feel really weak.   I'll wait and add the rest of the week later.  This is long enough for now.